GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
