I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
