so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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