I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
