I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize