I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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