Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
operation harelip BJ is a go
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
