You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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