That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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