I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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