i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
