yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
