I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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