So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
