R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Found the puke drawer
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize