I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize