im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
