does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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