i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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