i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
