I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the condom got lost in my hair
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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