If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
