So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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