You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Let's get the cat blown out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
