Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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