I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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