6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
