oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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