I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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