I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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