We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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