i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
