the condom got lost in my hair
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
