Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
