Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize