I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
