I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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