Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
