Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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