Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
