im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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