I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
