You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
