I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
