At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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