on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
