blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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