Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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