Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
