So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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