my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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