I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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