I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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