OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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