your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
