You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
