You can't motorboat a personality
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
