I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
