i may or may not be watching the land before time
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
