I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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