I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
