she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize