We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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