New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
