we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize