You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
