I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
