Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love you. Go after that dick
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
