better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
