I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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