Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
