I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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