WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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