oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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