Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
