I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
