Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
