I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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