How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
