She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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