meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
