Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
