oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Please don't give away my fajitas
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
