Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
