Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
