So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize