Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
