Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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