The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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