you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
