We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize