Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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