its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
