Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
