I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
