At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
