I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
