I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
