My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize