mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
