I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
