Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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