Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize