I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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