I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
