Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I want her autograph on my taint
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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