so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
