He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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