It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
