i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
