the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
