I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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