I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
